| In school. |
[02 Mar 2006|09:43am] |
I'm sitting next to a phsyco & he says hes a teacher but im not quite sure how he is. he says his baby wouldnt talk to me but i think he would.
this is what happens when i go into ms kaplans room to hang out when studyhall gets too boring when leesh isnt there.
Ostroff keeps humming and he really needs to stop.
ahhaahahahah.
and if he doesnt im gonna
make fun of him.
SHOOT THE MOON. he likes to yell that. And he also likes to say "I am so great" and things of that sort. we're sitting on the computers waiting for ms. kaplan to get back from moving the skeleton man.
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| yooo |
[19 Jun 2005|12:33am] |
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mood |
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 shake it like a saltshaker |
] |
| [ |
music |
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coldplay-talk |
] |
I think you guys might want to read this.(I'm making another entry! I guess I'll just do it when I feel like it instead of using it as an actual journal.) Heh. It's a story I wrote and it's really short. Go ahead, you know you want to. And please don't print it out,send it to anyone,or use it, just read it. Thanks homies.
MR.BLUE HAT
I look at all these people and wonder what percentage of fake they are. Twenty percent? Fourty? Seventy-two? I've met another guy who's percentage must have been at least eighty. His voice was so ear-piercing I would have been more satisfied standing next to a deaf two year old violently scratching their nails on a chalkboard. Or maybe even getting run over by a massive, decomposing garbage truck, and have the driver realize he left one trash can full at the last house, drive backwards and run over my already torn knee caps, then put me in that same trash can they had abandoned. That would be much nicer.
He had teeth that made me wonder if he had ripped all his original teeth out of his mouth, and replaced each one with a chicklet, using tacky glue to hold it in the mold of his overly-large gums. When he smiled I felt the need to shield myself from the pain-causing light that shone in my face. He was a misplaced, over-paid angel that deserved to be locked in a glass box only big enough for him to breathe so people like me can moon them at lunchtime. And they get no lunch.
I met him at my job. He was a customer. He sucked at being a customer. And I suck at life. I work at the deli, the only deli that exists within a fourty mile radius. So I get all the jackasses and the freaks and people who belong in the circus riding smelly elephants who wish to go back to Africa and leave the hell hole they were put in, surrounded by people who can balance and wear bright colors and too many stripes. But I don't really mind them. I mind the fake people. The people who put on a fake smile, and a fake laugh, and a fake kindness, and fake everything. They might as well run around town with a huge-lettered sticker on their back (or front, I don't give a crap) that says "This isn't the real me, so don't give me any attention."
His name is Bob. I hate the name Bob.
I don't like the human race. I haven't liked them since my little brother got run over by a truck. The driver didn't even stop to get out of the car. I was ten, he was five. He's still alive but he can't walk. I hate his wheelchair. Every time I see the wheelchair my mind does this weird thing that I can't describe...and I hear the screaming...whatever. I don't want to talk about it.
You know those red flowers everyone loves? Roses? Those pretty little things people give to others to make them feel good? I think they should die. All of them. If I had the chance I would exterminate all roses till there wasn't a single seed left. Flowers. Who ever thought of flowers as being a decoration? They are so incredibly boring and the least bit complicated. Ohhh look at me I'm a flower, I have five petals and as long as I have sunlight and water you can watch me be pretty. I hate beauty. There is no use for it at all. It only makes things that aren't beautiful seem inferior to things that are.
I met my match today. A person who made me look at something twice. No one on earth has ever made me look or think about anything twice. I've got a real hard head. I was in the deli, cause that's what I do, and a little boy came into the store alone. He looked like seven or something. He had a blue hat on backwards and shoes that squeaked and it kinda pissed me off. He came in with his chest out like he was superman. Maybe he liked comics. He came over to me and said, "Excuse me, how old are you?"
And I said, "I'm thirty two, why?"
And he said, "Because I was wondering if you're old enough to answer my question."
I didn't know what the hell he was talking about so I said, "What question?"
The little kid said, "Well I wanted to know why people die."
"Because that's what happens. Now go away if you're not gonna buy anything."
"Well I might buy something. It depends on the answer."
I was about to tell him to go find some other tired person to bother or else I'm gonna shove my foot in your mouth, but then he talked again. Freaken little kid.
"Can you please tell me why people die?"
"They die because they have nothing else to live for."
"What happens when they die and they still wanna live a lot?"
"Then they got screwed over. Their life is over and it sucks for them."
"So they don't get another chance?"
"No." This kid was really way too close. He kept walking closer to my counter.
"Oh. Okay. Thanks sir."
"So you gonna buy anything?"
"Well I was going to get a heart. But I don't think you sell them here. And you said there are no second chances." He walked towards the door but then I felt bad.
"I don't get you, kid. Listen, people don't sell hearts, okay? I've got a lollipop if you want one."
"Okay, thanks sir. I like the orange ones."
"I got a blue. Here, catch." I threw the lollipop to the kid and he took off his blue hat and held it out to catch it. He didn't have any hair. He got the lollipop and put it back on.
"Thanks. My best friend loves blue ones." He left and something clicked in my head. He was bald. He wanted a new heart. The heart was for him. He was sick. And I pretty much told him that he wouldn't live. I'm the best. I am. I hate myself. Why didn't he take his hat off earlier? Why.
I went to visit my brother at the end of the day. He was sitting in his wheelchair and smiling. He was playing catch with my mom. I looked at his wheelchair and I wasn't mad. I needed a heart to give to the annoying kid. I liked him. I think if I die too early I want my heart to go to him. I'm not even sure if a heart is what he needs, but if that's what he wants, I'd like to give him one.
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| im gonna do this |
[16 Apr 2005|04:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
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awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Saturday night fever |
] |
Hey guys. I'm making my live journal so no one can read it.just me.I think ill just make another one. im sorry... i love u guys <3 but sometimes i wanna write things in here that i feel i cant.. i bet you all have that problem. It has nothing to do with any of you, trust me. So this is my last viewed journal entryyyyy.
- last night i went out with the crew and lisa took me bra shopping hahah...that was interesting..i had to find a special and wierd one for my prom dress's low back...and i ended up looking like a dominatrix on crack. yep.
_ me zack heather and alycia watched titanic. hehe. "he could have balanced himself out!!!" (the floating door had enough room on it for both of them.)"he's too hott to die!"
- We hung with sara! omg she looks so pretty and she got her prom dress its awesome.
- I just came back from jess's piano recital with her and alliy and she was so amazing. I closed my eyes when jess was playing and i could picture a whole dance scene.woooo! and a little kid that picked his nose played on the same piano she did. before her. hahahahha. And this place was in Amityville....ooo scary.
Adios amigos.
my life is a movie.
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| none |
[15 Apr 2005|03:47am] |
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mood |
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none |
] |
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music |
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none |
] |
Today in history we were watching private ryan and my eyes got really watery. The fact that Joe could die in the next few years kills me. And it will kill others too.
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| PARTY |
[10 Apr 2005|10:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
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ummmm. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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beating heart baby -head automatica |
] |
THIS WEEKEND I PARTIED. except for today. sunday. sunday i did nothing and just sat and typed up my musical.yay
Friday- nicoles party at hooters.everyone was there. it rocked. we made nicole happy. my friends kept abusing me by slapping my ass. i kept laughing. i love my friends. Most of us went back to my house afterwards (heather, will, kleeman, lisa, zack, nicole, danielle, dan,me) we had fun. the boys loved my dog. that was cute. they also loved the giant blue ball. dan and zack kept sucking helium and they sounded like demented munchkins...oh wait...they were. I had mucho fun.
Saturday- sam's sweet 16. that rocked too. it was theater people infested and we all danced and ate food. there was lots of candy. i had a lot of soda and i was very thirsty for some reason. we did some wierd grease- dance- line up thing and it was kinda funny.This party was kinda huge.Woot woot
And today, i did nothing. i should have partied to keep up the record. Oh well. weekend = score. i didnt do homework cause i didnt want to.
I keep thinking about him and its annoying. i dont like it. i just want to be completley free of his image for a day. that would be nice. but i always do this.not on purpose.
My hair is fading, i think. BAD!
I want to go the circus and a concert. in the same day.
I cant fine my head automatica cd! BADDDDDD!!! AHH!
I have to go get my laundry now. wooooo.
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| Some people have really good hearts |
[06 Apr 2005|04:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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I dont know but it smells good outside |
] |
I was looking on my Myspace and this kid in my creative writing class that I never payed much attention to left me a message:
We have creative writing together. here's something true about you... i admire you for 3 reasons. your not afraid to be yourself, and even if the teach spends all her time on Heather i think, and others will agree that you have a real talent. I'm a heavy reader, and when i hear you read your stuff its the same voice i hear when im reading. Third, and not many people can do this, is you just shake away dissapointment or critisism, like from the teach, but u didnt really show that when your earing plug was lost. No, i dont write this to everyone, but im invisible to everyone in class, and i felt like giving a shoutout. so HEY!!! ok, i dont even write this much in class som in tired, im going to go.
- this(the writing above) made my day...i mean, the fact that this kid would take the time to write something like this to me is so sweet, and it really makes a difference. i messaged him back and i hope he gets it soon. i am so happy that some people are so genuinely kind.
- my hair has some streaks of blue (supposed to be purple hahah but it doesnt matter) and its sooo cool even though its fading. it is the works of steph! it massively fun hanging with her, her mom, sis, and victoria.and the grandma.it really hurt when i had to lean over the sink. i must have been so annoying when they were doing my hair because i kept asking stupid questions.we ate a whole box of cheez-its. i think i was in a comedy show that day.
-im so freaken excited for this weekenddd yeaaaah.
_today i got carlos in troubleeee!!! HAHA stupid girl-molester deserves it. I didnt even mean to do this and I was FREAKING OUT but thats ok.hes stupid so it doesnt matterrrr.suckerrr!
-I im addicted to fruit yay.
-vote for pedro!(ummm...I had to add that)
- I talked to collen today and thats cool cause we havent talked in a long time.
- my green/yellow sneakers <3
_ I really like eating outside it's freaken awsome
- does anyone want to assasinate the librarian with me?
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| my life as of now |
[03 Apr 2005|01:04am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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numa numa guy |
] |
1. I am currently eating rice pudding.
2.everyones obssessed with the pope dying. But their just gonna get another one of those old guys who can't get married.
3.Steph is dying my hair PURPLE on monday. SCORE!!!! Alllll of it.hahahha.
4.I am in the play but not IN the play...im in the second act and im doing a famous movie monologue and i dont know which one to do ahhhh i wanted to do jack sparrow but kevin told me i should do something else cause i could rip it up. ahhhh.Its gonna be a recreation of hollywoooooood.who knew? and the script is fucking awsome.
5.My friend sent me the wierdest text message ever today.
6.It rained yesterday and i didnt do anything.not cool.
7. Friday, me and my pals went to red lobster and i felt bad for all the lobsters who were exposed in a glass cage for everyone to speculate and pick which one they will soon be digesting. WELL I DONT EAT LOBSTERS.It was so fun being in the car with crazy will and heather.its like a circus. and i but my ass up against the window(dont worry, clothed) when erica and everyone else pulled up next to us hahahahha.fun times.
8. my dog is so fucking annoying
9.Iv'e just recently come to the conclusion that there is not a lot of school left.And stupidly, im kind of sad. whats wrong with me.
10. I dont know what im gonna do today wooo!
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| quilty |
[02 Apr 2005|11:17am] |
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mood |
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FUCK |
] |
| [ |
music |
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fuck fuck |
] |
IM GUILTY.
of being stupid.
again.
This is the fourth time i am in a bad situation with a member of the male species and they dont even know it because im too afraid to tell them.We are getting close. FUCK. ok.
I'll shut the hell up.
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| yo yo yoooo |
[29 Mar 2005|07:18am] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Time is running out- Muse |
] |
Cant wait for the weekenddddd
why does miss garvey refuse to do a SERIOUS play? I mean sure...ben affleck...matt damon...okay? It sounds good but its anotherrrr comedy.ANOTHER ONE.
I have a really bad case of boy ADD. Help?
I made my story into a screenplay and I added to it (now it has a fucked up ending,score!). I'm sending it into a contest for a 5,000 dollar scholarship award. I wanna win so fuckin badly.Me and oliver read it on the bus and it was so funny cause the character he was playing is so not him.He was like, "we should do this every day."I feel so badddd we were supposed to meet at the library but he thought it was the library outside of school. so it was pretty much..."where were you?" "where were YOU?" "ohhhhhh.hahah."
The school bus came reallyyyyy late. ewwww. Not cool.
Prom is gonna be funnnn.I'll have to be awake at 2:00 in the morning but hey, I don't think that will be a problem.
I SAW SARA THIS WEEKEND. we had so much fun. It's like we just saw eachother the day before, but in reality, i didn't see her for over a month. We are obssessed with the "numa-numa dancer guy." lets just say...we like to dance.haha.
I LOVE MY SHOES.
I really like this quote...it's from a song by Muse..." I'll love whatever you become."
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| Pancakes. |
[26 Mar 2005|11:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
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woohooo |
] |
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music |
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Only hope- switchfoot |
] |
Yesterdayyyy i went out shoppin with my madre and got the coolest awsomest shoes.i got two pairs,none of which are the regualr chuck taylor converse b/c they ruin your feet.and i thought my green/yellow ones were the same as olivers but they arent soooo yay!
Thennnn i went to the mall with oliverrrr(a.k.a "BEST FRIEND") and we ended up walking around with imron and ashley.I later saw jon and ally too.This hangout consisted of me blowing air through a straw into oliver and im's faces and them pretending to be annoyed,me reading a happy bunny book to them,constantly making fun of eachother,listening to ashley cause I cant help it she's just ashley,walking around like a dumbass,seeing ernie and not being shaken in the least bit which rocked,andlaughing a lot.
Then me and oliver went into the movies and saw "be cool" which had a really odd script but it was funny.then after that, just because i had said,"i want pankcakes," we went to the diner and had pancakes."
" ummmm....do you have any whipped cream and chocolate for the pancakes?" gotta love him.So we talked a lottttt and had fun and ate pancakes.I sang to him and he liked it.i'm a retard.its so odd watching him drive and its cute cause hes so small. I had so much fun hanging out with him.we got really close cause of play practice and now hes my good friend yayy. for example ,he ate some pancake off my plate after i had put a lot of salt on it, thinking it was sugar.he makes me laugh.he wouldnt let me pay for part of the check.grrr.boys.
then best friend drove me home and i tried to give him the money back but he wouldnt take it.it fell out of the car.damn.well at least one dollar stayed after i threw it in.hehe.
i just saw the ring two with my budddies.good times.
oh and i had an audition(singing).it went great.i got in.but its a rip off so im not doing it.
mylifeisamovie SCORE
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| donde es mi pantalones? |
[24 Mar 2005|10:13am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 woohooo |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Bad reputation - joan jet |
] |
Crazy people.
Shadows only change their shape
when you move the slightest bit
some people who have temper problems
call their shadows a peice of shit
These crazy people have yet to know
that shadows have feelings too
and if you yell bad words to them
they will, they'll come for you
Shadows, unlike objects
that are easily pushed aside
are formed by sun rays and particles
these two things coincide
So next time you see a person
as crazy as described
tell them that these shadows
are almost,pretty much,alive
This kid kept talking to me at the mall and he was definitely intoxicated,so i dedicate this wonderfull poem to him.And his spiked red hair.
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| yes, so what. |
[23 Mar 2005|04:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 thinkingmuchoyep |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Lord of the dance (irishness) |
] |
I am a questioner.
why wont the damn snow go away?
why do people die when they shouldnt die?
why are some people so guarded that they dont see what is actually happening around them?
why cant some people take chances?
chances are good.
very good.
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| yeaa |
[21 Mar 2005|10:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
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andveryveryhappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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All that I've got -The Used |
] |
I'm talking to Oliver and sara right now wooo.
I'm confused.And happy.At the same time.
I LOVED the city with heather will and joe.holy fucking shit we did anything we wanted to. we finally found jacklyn and hyde and when we were sitting down in the resturant i was looking around,minding my own business,until will said "ummm celine....CELINE." i turned to see that a guy was dusting me off with...well, a duster. i screamed and got so freaked out cause he was RIGHT THERE.It was so funny.he said in his fake english accent,"Im sorry,i thought that was dust on your shirt, but they are polka dots." i hid my face on joe's chest and everyone laughed. it was so funny.The resturant was reallyyyyy cool and we all laughed a lot. We all went to really cool...and...interesting stores hehe...and one of them in which me and heather refused to go in.ofcourse,the other two walked straight in.We had such a good time,even with the rain in the beginning.On the train ride home we all were soooooo tired.Woo.
The play was amazing.emotional.great.the last night was different and me cait and prenna did something different (is the bird in my dress?).Everyone laughed so...it was a success.im so glad my friends came to support me.it was awsome.and the play turned out so much better than i expected.and i made friends.and im really happy right now.Me and Talar had a sugar rush and ran around idiotically and i loved it with all my heart.
The night of the last play was the cast party which consisted of stand up comedy with my fellow crazy actors.And i kissed my friend on the cheek when i left.Then i slept over heathers(city the next morning).YEA! everything rocked.Ok.yeah.
I want to go to the city.again.yesssss.
I love UN-PLUGGED...the musical I am writing.score.
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| YESS |
[09 Mar 2005|09:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
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yay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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It's a perfect day - legally blonde |
] |
FINALLY A GOOD DAY! fuck yea.
I think alot.
bye.
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| yay. |
[09 Mar 2005|07:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Thehumanraceisoverrated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sleep to dream- fiona apple |
] |
Iv'e officially realized that everything currently sucks.Hurray?
Where did the happiness go.why did it leave.If it went to london I'll be jelous.
I'm mad at people so they are mad at me and everyone is being retarded and i dont like the human race anymore and i dont think i ever found them particularly cool and bugs should take over our lives because we are bug squishers.
who the fuck likes bug squishers?
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| woo. |
[04 Mar 2005|09:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 whosssgonnapartyhardy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Lord of the dance (massively cool irish music) |
] |
I went with michael and mom to some resturant on a friday night.yay?how retarded is that.The only kid there that was my age didnt even speak my language.he was really cute.Eye contact was made.But noooo he just has to be non-american.damn.i always like foreigners.
I hate when those 38 year old spanish people stare at me.ewww it's really yucky.no young girl is safe in returants these days.if i had a bow and arrow i'd shoot them.
my food sucked but i had a pinna colada and it was good.i really need to go to the caribbean.anyone want to come?
The rest of the coming weekend = yay.
I made a lot of my shirts cool-ified last night.yeaahhhh rock on.
I am contemplating weather SCORE should be my new word.
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| Im in a good mood. |
[03 Mar 2005|08:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
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score. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Dare you to move- switchfoot |
] |
Heyyyy humans.I am happy. I dont know why, i just am.Today was the wierdest day...my emotions kept switching reversing and changing themselves again and again in like 2 seconds flat.One minute i'd be completely hyper and out of my mind and another i would be calm and not know what to think.Its kind of funny.
Last friday:the last hour of calvary rocked (patent pending <3) with leesh jen kristen and kathya(cousinnnn).Right when alycia came down everything was fun.YAY.I attacked her cuz we didnt see eachother in FIVE DAYS and we went crazy.wooohooo.Im sad that calvary is ending.grrrrrr.To all those people who cant control themselves at shows: YOU SUCK.yep.
I'm exited for this weekend.I think I'm going to leeshe's house on friday but im not sure.Saturday im going to kristen's sweet sixteen w/ ernie cuz im giving him a ride.Then im sleeping over heather's,and i will be arriving at like midnight.Hellz yeah.Sunday we are going to the city and doing WHATEVER THE FUCK WE WANT!wooohoooo.yeah.
George loved my musical so far.he read it.i wrote it.I'm incredibly proud haha.He said he'd cast himself in the play and that i have to write more.and i shall.
I dont know who i like anymore.i am so confused.something happened,and it clicked in my head,do i like this person?i'm not sure.but its good...its really good.i dont want it to come back cause being friends is a lot...healthier for my emotions?ha.ahhh.im phsyco.
me,joe,heather,and will are all writing a story about vampires.odd.
Joe and i acted like gay boys in lunch today(even thought i am a girl).it was great because we were retarded.and it was funny."UGH they messed up my nails and now i have to get another manicure." "Oh my god i sooo have to take you shopping."
Iv'e been wierder than normal for the past two days.score.
I need to listen in SAT class.but i dont want to.
I Think sara nell is gonna make me a shirt that says "bite me." how cool is that.oh,and i got :: dun dun dun---> the dress.dun dun dun.its medieval-ish.and its from utopia.Would you believe my mom likes that store?heh.
adios.yo encanta palomitas de maiz.
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|
| hola. |
[25 Feb 2005|04:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Imgonnadosomerockintonight |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
beating heart baby - head automatica |
] |
I am going to a show tonight.yay.
play practice wasnt so bad today so i didnt have to lie and pretend to have to be somewhere.
I did many mrs.swan impressions."miss swan gonna fall in de hole." Hehe.when i was leaving in the car i yelled out the window (as mrs swan) to george and jess.they laughed.
Do you ever look at someone as they are talking to you,and start to feel slightly odd because your not sure which eye to look at?I know,im odd.Iv'e known that for a while.
I woke kerry up today cuz i called her.i felt bad.
Ummmm im kinda bored.i need to wash my shoes,they have mud from the zoo all over them.
michael came back from new zealand last night.awsome.i was happy to see him.he got us all nice presents it was really sweet.I got a kiwi-bird necklace b/c its the new zealand bird.I have a tape of his interview,and im gonna listen to the interviewer's accent and learn it.i love accents.
LEESH IS BACK FROM THE SKI TRIP YAYYYY! I wanted to see jeff and rick.but i couldnt go on the trip.oh well.and she just told me she didnt see them...which sucks ass.
um.
what should i wear tonight?
I dont want to go back to school.I should tie myself to a tree and say,"NOOOO! YOU CANT MAKE ME DO IT! IM AN AMERICAN!BACK THE FUCK OFF!"
But instead,ill be on that damn bus.
Anyone want to start a revolution with me? i think eddie has had influence on me. :-)
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| wtf. |
[24 Feb 2005|06:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 I'mgonnaripsomeonesheadoff |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
headstrong |
] |
WARNING: If i dont know you,dont talk to you, or dont like you, DONT comment or READ my journal.If you do,apparently you have absolutely no life. Thankyou, now go knock yourself out with a sledgehammer.
And do it,while thinking of me smiling.Fucker.
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| zoo |
[23 Feb 2005|09:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Nice to meet you anyway - gavin degraw |
] |
I went to the zoo today.it rocked.There was a little orange baby monkey.And a tapir that I named herbey.Even though I think its a girl.And that IS it's name,diana!
Again,i want to give up on...well,you know.him.But actually doing it? Thats the hard part.
"The brave don't live forever, but the cautious do not live at all."
-I agree 100 percent with that.
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orangerocker's journal